Man...I don't feel like a woman.

So I've been thinking the last couple of days about me and my life in general. I'm at the happiest place I've been in a while. My marriage is great and I'm generally happy.

But there is one aspect of my life that I'm left wondering about. I'm not very girly. I don't go crazy for clothes, or shoes. I hardly wear make-up. I haven't changed my hair style since Jr. High. I'd prefer not spend the money on getting my nails done.  I do like purses and scarves but that's about it. My house isn't out of a show room. I have no sense of design. Almost everything we own has been given to us. I don't like shopping. I don't do crafts other then my knitting.

I must have skipped the girl gene line up in heaven. All the hallmarks of being a woman are just not in me.

I'd rather travel. I'd rather cook. I'd rather read. I'd rather listen to music. I'd rather play video games. I'd rather wear jeans and flats. I know I can do all those things and still be a woman but I wonder if one day God will download the girlie software update that I'm missing?

Buh Bye

So I got rid of Facebook today. I didn't really see the point of having it. I mean yes a few people talked to me on it but outside of that it was sucking the life out of me. It wasn't this joyful place to see how friends and family were doing. It was draining me of free time, of desire to be around people and goodwill towards my fellow man.

Only a few people will notice. I'm not known for my adoring fan's. Mostly it's friends that live in the same city as me who I never see. Maybe I'll get a random thumbs up from people but otherwise it's pretty pointless.

If you read my weight loss blog you will see I had a falling out of sorts with someone which lead me to not being involved with my fitness group. I doubt they'll even notice. I'm also thinking about taking a step back from my church. For a number of reason's. I've never really been a "church" person. I have a strong faith but that faith isn't wrapped up in a building or a place or a person. Daniel needs to go to church so he'll still be going but I think I'll just hang back and read my Bible in the time I normally spend at church. I'll miss the few people that I've gotten to know and who have taken the time to get to know me. It will be sad not to get a chance to talk to people and be social but in the words of my father, " C'est la vie!"

Well I'm off to put the niece down for her nap.

Crazy months

So I've been having the craziest couple of months. I broke my baby toe on my right foot...TWICE. I don't know if it's really considered two separate times or that I just re-broke it from the first time. Also I threw my back out. I've had bad back problems since I was in a horrible car accident when I was my late teens. It's been a problem that has plagued me for a really long time. It gets so bad I'm unable to walk. On top of that I had a tetanus scare after pruning the rose bushes outside the house.

Also during this time my mother and I had a falling out where it looked like we wouldn't be talking to each other ever again. It was really hard since growing up in the military my parents were the only family I had. My extended family lived states side while we roamed the Caribbean.

All of this took a toll on me mentally and physically. There were days when I just didn't feel like dealing with anything. I was supposed to be involved in a ladies Bible study but most of the time I was sick and couldn't make it. I wasn't really able to keep up with the housework. It was just bad.

It's times likes these that make me thankful for Daniel. He really is my rock. When I broke my toe the first time he moved our mattress downstairs because I couldn't make it up the stairs. He'd come home from work and clean and cook. Daniel's always been the guy who could make me laugh even when I didn't want too.

It's been a crazy couple of month and I'm just ready for the new year to begin. It will be the last year of my twenties, we'll have been married for 4 years, living in our house for 3 years and we'll be planning some big things for our future.

Covering my head.

So I've been praying on something for a really long time. As most of you know I'm Catholic and traditionally when I attended Mass I would wear a mantilla. I have my personal reason's for doing it as well as 1 Corinthians 11 2-16. Since I got married Daniel and I have always gone to either a Methodist, Baptist, or a Non-Denominational church where the tradition of head covering isn't "normal" outside of the rare hat. 


During this time something has been calling me back to wearing a mantilla. Maybe I need it to make me focus more on what the pastor is saying vs. who's walking in late. I donno. But in the last 3 years this subject has been popping up in my head. Something is leading back to wearing a head covering in church. 


Finally I broke down and talked to Daniel about it and he agreed that if it's something that I'm being lead to do he'll support my decision. Here's the interesting part. As part of the idea of wearing a head covering you are meant not to be seen as a distraction to others. When I went to Mass I occasionally saw another woman wearing a mantilla or some other head covering but it wasn't seen as "strange". Women have worn them in the Catholic church since forever. Since I go to an amazing Non-Denominational while I doubt anyone would think I was strange (maybe they think I'm strange anyway. =) ) it might be a distraction to some. During the winter time I know I can get away with a scarf and just pull it over my head when we get to church but that wont be cutting it on days when I'm serving or in the summer. I've been looking around online and stumbled onto Snood's  which are worn by married Orthodox Jewish women. So I ordered two so I can start wearing them to church. 


I feel really happy and relieved by my decision. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my heart about this since it's something that I've been praying about for a very long time. 

Toddlers and coffee tables

So for the next couple of months I'm going to babysitting my niece.

Well let me back up some. I don't have kids. And there are no real plans to change that fact. I love kids, we just don't feel the need to have any little bundles of joy ourselves. I know a lot of parents out there who are doing a bang up job raising little pinballs.....I just don't feel the need to be one of them.

Since I have the luxury not to have to work my sister-in-law came to me and wanted to know if I'd watch my niece. I said sure and jumped right into it since originally I was in school to become a teacher. I'm familiar with babies and prefer this age to older kids. There is even a kinda joke floating around at my church that if your kid gets to be 2 they drop from my radar and I'm on to the next little baby. Crying doesn't phase me, vomit doesn't bother me and changing diapers doesn't stop me.

So I'm hosting my niece Gracie for the next 7 months. Even with my prior experience this is the longest amount of time I've spent alone with a kid at a single go.

It's nerve racking. She's a human pinball. One moment she's jumping on the couch, the next she's trying to ride the dog like a pony  and then she's trying to use me as a human lazy-boy. Her favorite thing to do is open her mouth and let Lottie kiss her. She thinks this is hilarious and she'll give you this death stare if you try to stop her. I've watched the same Bubble Guppies episode like 10 times already. It's the only thing I can do that will make her sit in one spot long enough so I can take my eyes of her for a moment. If I put it on I know I have about 2 minutes to run into the kitchen to fix lunch or gab her bottle. It's nice because she's learned to say apple, milk and soap.

Daniel tries to keep the coffee table clean during the week but I just laugh at him. That's where the pin ball eats. There is no point trying to polish the coffee table because tomorrow she'll just smash whatever I'm feeding her into it because it makes Lottie jump up to lick it. She thinks that's hilarious too.

Diapers.......did I mention I don't have kids.

It's pretty tiring but it's worth it because prior to this I only got to see her every so often at family get together's. She never really took to me. But now...haha take that everyone......we have our own inside jokes now....bam bam....chicha chicha bam barm....whoaaa cha-cha-cha.

Oh and she refuses to call my dog anything but Sizzles which is my dog's father's name.