Sooooo...

So last night was kinda rough. After losing out on the house that we were interested in I was asking Daniel why do the wicked prosper? Him being the good head of the household that he is found a Bible study on the subject and tried to use that as a balm over my wounds. It didn't work.

It left me wondering more about why God lets his followers struggle while people who shun him have rewards. Daniel tried to make me understand that His followers will have rewards in heaven but that doesn't seem fair. Since God is so powerful shouldn't he reward good behavior and punish bad? Isn't that at the heart of all fathers for their children. Why then does the opposite happen here on Earth. Shouldn't those who follow be rewarded?

I'm struggling right now. I have two things that I cry out to God for. First being a child. I've been wanting a baby since Daniel and I got married. I don't understand why this hasn't happened for us. There are people in the world who don't want children and then abort them and then their are people in the world who have like 21 kids and aren't married to the children's mother. Therefor blessing them with children through sin.

Second being a home. I don't have fancy taste. Something simple to call my own. A place to paint as I want. To have a bigger kitchen and a pantry. To not be cramped, to have a place for visitors to stay if they want to come. I don't want a million dollar home I want a 85,000 home. Yet nothing is working out as it should. We are struggling to find gift money. We had problems with a computer while trying to pre qualify ourselves, all the places we looked at are gone. It seems like nothing is moving ahead.

I don't know why? Daniel read Job to me last night. Trying to explain that we may never know why. That God know why and we have to trust him. I don't know...maybe that is a sign of Daniel's level of faith compared to mine. I'm just tired of getting beat down. I'm just tired of not being rewarded. Maybe I'm being punished for questioning God's will.